Hello everybody! So this is my first blog post so I decided to just do this one on why I created this blog.
First off THANK YOU SO MUCH for visiting my page and I hope you find some stuff you like here and come back again! I am a 28-year-old wife and mommy. I’ve been through a bunch of stuff between the ages of 13 and 25 (and still going through stuff) that was really traumatic for me.
I lost my daddy to cancer when I was 13 years old. He was a great daddy. I really loved him a lot! He was sick though and passed away in my freshman year of high school. The thing that made it traumatic for me was I didn’t know he was sick until a week before he passed away. He didn’t want to let me know because he didn’t want me to be sad. That didn’t work out so well.
Throughout high school I struggled with being a teenage girl and just getting over what happened to my daddy. I was so sad and nobody knew. I hated going to school, I didn’t fit in and I was just the quiet kid who got good grades that not the people who I thought I wanted to notice me didn’t. I was lonely, afraid, lost, hurt, angry, and pretty terrified of life. I had low self-esteem and wasn’t really popular (which is a killer in high school). I got a closer relationship with God, but it still didn’t seem like it was helping. It just seemed like I was okay, but not better.
During college I met my husband (whom I love) and we had two beautiful babies (who we adore). Our relationship started off okay, but it got worse since I had never gotten over my daddy passing away in high school. I began to recycle into a downward cycle that I went through during high school and when I was pregnant with our son. I was extremely depressed when I was pregnant and it seemed like it would never end. I would just lay in the bed and cry and I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I felt like my feelings were uncontrollable. And then I would look down at my belly and feel so bad because I wanted to change because of our son, but couldn’t. After our daughter came, I went through a looooong episode of post-partum. It was horrible.
Can I just break right here and say DEPRESSION SUCKS! The things that it says is so horrible, I can’t imagine going through that again. If you’re reading this and depressed I just want to tell you, it gets better. It won’t always be like this. Don’t believe whatever depression is telling you. You are special, and loved and worth so much!
Okay, back to my story…
So after I went through the terrible post-partum, things started to clear up a little bit. I got some clarity and began to come alive again. I enrolled back into college and was feeling a little better. I had a little bit of a life and I was enjoying it a little bit. Two years later though, I found out that those mean little voices were still there. Whenever me and my husband had a problem I felt so guilty, couldn’t express how I felt and just became really sad (depressed). I had started really getting a closer relationship with God though and I was starting to notice the stuff that was said in my head wasn’t true. Not long after that we started to change our diet and began eating REAL food. I started exercising. I dropped my birth control pills and we began going to our chiropractor. When I finally got my college degree a year later, I found out that I didn’t want to be a property manager like I thought I did. I enjoyed helping people, but just not helping them find housing. That led me to start sharing my story with others and turning it into a whole program.
After realizing all of this, I came to the conclusion that beating depression is not just a mental thing, it’s not just a faith thing, and it’s not just a physical thing. It’s all those things put together. I began to look at how I felt after changing my whole lifestyle and how our marriage and family was so much better. We basically have a totally refreshed life. I have a refreshed life. I have changed so much and it was all good change for once. I felt like I had all these pieces to fighting depression, but they were scattered all over the place. I loved eating healthy and enjoyed my faith, but there was always something missing that I just couldn’t figure out. I eventually found out that if I wanted live free from depression I had to change my whole life. I know that we all like a quick easy fix. We want to push a button and everything will be better. It doesn’t always work like that. I had to change different parts of my life simultaneously in order to get rid of my dark cloud. It wasn’t easy and it’s still not.
I still struggle to find time to exercise and still want dessert before, during and after every meal (not kidding). Honestly, sometimes I just don’t want to do just about anything! But I have changed my life so much that I don’t even have an opportunity to dwell on it for longer than 30 seconds! I love this life! I couldn’t have said that 10 years ago. I hated life 10 years ago. I don’t even know how I’m alive now because it felt like I was barely living then. I thought I was living, but honestly I was dead. I wasn’t even breathing. But now I have so much more life!
I have been able to come alive to raise our children and be a wife to my husband. I have been able to enjoy this life and share it with you. I am free now. I am living and basking in being free from depression. It’s not always easy though. There is always opportunity to go back to how I was. I just don’t plan on going back, EVER! Every day I constantly have to recognize that my whole life is about living free from depression not just one part. I am continuing to learn how to be better every day.
I wanted to create this blog for you all to see that my life and your life is a journey and every day is a new adventure. This life is amazing and I am so excited to share it with you all. I plan on sharing my new adventures and experience with you all to encourage you, educate you and give you hope.
I hope that you follow along on my journey and if you are looking to be free from depression that this blog helps you while on your journey!
Have you or someone you know struggled with depression? Comment and let me know
Dear Jasmine, it was very beautifully written. I too struggled with depression, and it was bad, even postpartum, which I will share with you one day. As you said, there are many things, physical, mental, and spiritual. You have been so honest and real with it. I find Christians find it harder to admit they struggle with it. I also find diet helps, and you know, I even rebuked it and it left me one day. Wow! That is the spiritual attack of depression. It has so many components and complexities and I pray that in your victory walk, you will helps many, many. God bless, Rita.
Oh Jasmine! I want to stand up and cheer for you right here in front of my computer screen! Your story is so important and I will be praying that you can minister to the hearts of MANY who are suffering from the beast of depression. It makes perfect sense to me that it would take all three components to make you well- and I’m just so glad you are forging ahead HAPPY with every intention of staying well!
I am just so sorry for your loss of your daddy. What a tragedy to find out just a week before his passing that he was sick. I’m sure that scarred you so deeply and I do pray for healing and restoration despite such a difficult life changing loss!
WOW dear heart, this was an amazing testimony. I can share this with you keep writing for God’s glory and allow him to to use you to set people free from the bondage of depression. You are a light to this ark world. Let it shone!!!