How many times do we say ” I don’t care ”
especially when we are talking about a relationship of a sort or if someone has a grudge, dislike for us , situations such as that . I have and I have stopped saying these 3 little words for many reasons.. when I heard them come out of my mouth they sounded hateful and snarky .
Why did I stop?
When I would say these words I was trying to protect my feelings , because I did care . I didn’t want to show my feelings simply because I thought it was a weakness . Why would I care how someone feels about me or why does that person dislike me ?
To answer that question is for one , if I had wronged someone unintentionally I wanted to know so I could ask forgiveness , another reason was if someone had a grudge or a dislike for I wanted to talk this out and find out why .. I didn’t not like feeling if those reasons were due to a mistake or cause on my part.
I did realize there were times that there may have been no reasons just personality clashes but I did not like that either .. I had to figure out a way to talk it through and if it was still unsolved. I accepted and prayed for God’s will to be done .
There were times I understood and had to accept a situation but the way I had to handle it for myself was different .. the words ” I don’t care ” stopped falling off my tongue ..because that was simply not the truth .
The way reacted and worked through it is different .. I pray … for being a child of God , my job is to love and care for others , how could I care if I was not being truthful with myself or have an ” attitude ” .. I couldn’t..
Now , I don’t just sit there and let things brew . I ask , communication is a way that can help bring things to light . I have to listen and take in what I hear .. not just blow it off ..Yes , it can be uncomfortable but once it’s out, the work can start . If I not at fault I am calm and not defensive . Things have to be talked through in love ..
I don’t say these words anymore because I do care about others thoughts of me . It’s how I react to the situation that has changed.. I will ask for forgiveness in a heartbeat . I will not just ponder on it or fight it … I don’t worry about it . BUT I DO CARE .. because I care about others …
Like I had said in an article I wrote , ” Who am I ” in Southern Faith Magazine .. I struggled with relationships because I felt I didn’t have an identity and being alone felt comfortable but it was dangerous .. and I pushed away feelings by saying these 3 little words ..
I am a work in progress for being who Christ wants me to be and he is working on me ..
Rachel E Lane